http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/ en-us 44 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/profile.photos/new-hair/?entry_id=4890241
]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-30T11:08:49Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--thumb-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--synd-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--mob-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--gallery-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--large-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/new_hair--feat-prf-1212170929.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/prf-1212170929.jpg 1 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2434521/love-thoughts/
It also made me think about relationships and made me feel kind of lonely in a way. Nearly everyone I know, including myself, has that need to feel loved by that one person that makes them happier than anyone ever had before. There is a sense of belonging and even self worth found in real relationships. There's trust, love, compassion, patience, and selflessness also.

There are the false idols of love, the impulse cling to anyone who shows you any sort of attention, and hurt feelings. People mistake how they feel for love everyday and ruin the very word. Don't settle just because you are lonely. I've made that mistake before and it's a disaster. Everyone will get hurt from time to time, some more than others, but that's life.

I question religion, mock it, avoid it, whatever. I don't believe in God for the most part and I only have faith in one thing and it's the beautiful concept of love. I need to believe that love is real. And that it's coming to me soon. I want to be in love, it's really the best feeling I've ever gotten to experience. Where I am now in search of this is nowhere near the end. Maybe it's even still towards the beginning, I'd say. Still finding out what it is I truely want and having to stop making excuses for the relationships I have been in.

I can be happy and not in love but to be without it, I don't feel complete.  There will be that wanting for awhile and I've gotten used to the waiting only because I had no other choice.

I feel like I have to prove everything to you, like love is a new theory and you are unconvinced of it. I wonder if you have ever been in love. Maybe once, maybe never I'm guessing. You'll admit that everyone gets lonely from time to time and this is true. Minus all the superficiality of attraction, which I know we have, proving to you the intangible things is the hardest. Knowing you can trust me, making sure that I'm here for the right reasons, and wanting to be spontaneous and just try this. Let's try everything. After everything is gone, when the parties are over, the money isn't there, people have abandoned you, and no one cares who you once were, you can be alone. Or you can be alone with me. The most important quality is who will stand by you through everything. No matter how hard, embarassing, or hurtful things can and probably will get. 

That's what I want. No one gets to be young, pretty, and full of potiential and success forever. I want someone who will always be there for me. Someone who can make my heart race as we race to the edge of the coast to live in seclusion. I always wanted to live by the ocean. It is a symbol of life to me. The waves bring many things up to the shore but when the wave leaves only a few things are left on the sand. Its like how people can enter you life but only a few actually will stick around. 

I want to stick around but I'm not going to wait around until you fall in love with me. I'm a total romantic junkie and I think you can handle it.
]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-30T02:36:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2376401/dont-ask-anymore/

]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-18T14:42:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2374871/only-refreshed-second-all/ Yeah, I just woke up & definitely could go for some Twinkies.

So bad, I know but soooooo good!

I really should clean my room. It's been a mess only since forever. My bad.



I love how last night everyone was texting or IMing me at crazy hours. I had taken some cough medicine so I was totally out. I feel refreshed now so I'm happy. I like how sleeping in my bed sometimes has the illusion of sleeping outside since my windows are large & I like the blinds always open. I know that might be bad in case of creepers but I don't really change in my room anyway.



So that medicine gave me such a weird dream & I wasn't really happy until the end of it when this one guy made it all ok. Hard to explain.



I should probably work on those starburst wrappers littering my floor or the piles of clothes I have yet to sort through. I should probably get rid of some of the clothes but I always make an excuse for when I'll wear it.



Tambourines are in my head from all this crazy music I've been listening to lately. Check out This Is My Suitcase or The Apples In Stereo. They are so different from each other but I think you'll love them both.



xx
Alice J]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-18T09:40:44Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/thumb-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/synd-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/mob-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/gallery-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/large-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/feat-3781841.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/3/7/8/1/8/4/1/orig-3781841.jpg 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/photos/apples-stereo-amazing/?id=36348041
]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-18T09:39:40Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--thumb-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--synd-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--mob-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--gallery-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--large-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/The_Apples_In_Stereo_are_amazing--feat-msg-121112877481.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/msg-121112877481.jpg 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/profile.photos/i-heart-bubblegum/?entry_id=4757691
]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-17T20:43:25Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--thumb-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--synd-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--mob-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--gallery-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--large-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/i_heart_bubblegum--feat-prf-1211082204.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/prf-1211082204.jpg 3 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/photos/not-revealing/?id=36306951
]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-17T16:47:11Z http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--thumb-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--synd-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--mob-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--gallery-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--large-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/Not_Revealing--feat-msg-121106802549.jpg http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/xalicejx/default/msg-121106802549.jpg 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2371291/relief-slight-confusion/
I'm probably one of the most laid back people I know. I just like having a good time without the drunken recklessness everyone seems to also need to feel cool. I don't need to start arguments with boys or girls, have drunken slut situations, or anything else that brings the drama. Its just unnecessary. I like being me & dont need fights or feuds to validate me.

I just want to have fun while still at home, I have birthdays, parties, and goodbyes coming up & I'm just happy about life right now.

Well, mainly happy. I have a lot of goals I want to work on this year. They have to do with relationships, school, career. I'm 20 so I have a lot of time ahead of me & I'm just excited for everything that's happening.]]> montana redhead winter Buzznet,montana,redhead,winter xalicejx 2008-05-17T16:35:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2335671/wait/ frank iero my chemical romance Buzznet,frank iero,my chemical romance xalicejx 2008-05-10T19:06:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2328641/currently-sick-bamboozle-recap/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-05-09T10:49:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2281351/i-love-tyra-exposes-jerks/ memories Buzznet,memories xalicejx 2008-04-30T10:42:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2281261/road-trip-jersey-starting-later/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-30T10:33:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2275271/love-i-shall-not-love/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-29T10:18:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2253481/ihop-soon-yay/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-25T10:26:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2248421/about-today/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T12:26:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2247731/someone-scared-me-guys/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T10:27:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2247711/most-ridic-lie-ever-please/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T10:26:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2247681/enlightenment/
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For the most part, I am completely happy with my life. I have the normal worries of the average college student but other than that, nothing huge. There's nothing really worth totally stressing over, everything is usually ok in the end. And if not, then you learn from it.

I have learned so much this way. Nothing's perfect, everyone has their faults. I don't mean everything I say, I make mistakes like all others. We can all work on being better people, I believe that people need to judge others less. It would make life more pleasant for everyone. Just before you open your mouth, please just take a look at your own life. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone, I tell my friends I love them, I want to be laid back, I like sleeping in, writing is such therapy, music makes me dance, I enjoy wearing silly things on my head & hands, knowing I learn everyday is amazing, staying sober is the best gift I can give myself.

I know that there's the less innocent/thoughful version of my "tomorrow isn't promised" idea where kids are like, well I'm gonna do all kinds of drugs & live it up before I die. NO! That's so wrong, you're missing the point by far. Life is a gift. Why cloud it up with distortions of it when you can have the real thing? I feel like such a better version of myself without any influences. And I'm not saying that I'm a better person that those who do drink or whatever, some of my best friends choose to do that. I just know what I need for me to be happy & being sober is it right now.

I feel like I've been through so much and it's probably because I have. I've had deaths, suicide attempts, rehab, abandonment, I don't really have a family. But I've learned to appreciate life and people that much more. I have moved on, I refuse to be a prisoner of my past. I have grown up, I'm smarter. I had to work on myself for years to get to this state I'm in now & I won't let anyone/thing ruin it. And everyday, I'm happy to be alive and wanting to continue being a better person.

I don't have enemies. It's a waste of thought & energy. I love & trust you until you give me a reason not to. And that's it, simple!

Oh, and I don't believe in jealousy. I have said this time & time again but it always seems to come up. Not with me, but with others versus me. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion. Don't feed into it, please.

I try my hardest to be honest. It's actually easier than it sounds. I have nothing to hide in my life, I'm happy with myself.

I love, hurt, laugh, fall, save, cry just like everyone else.
I'm not so different.]]> Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T10:23:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2247661/us-now/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T10:22:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0 http://xalicejx.buzznet.com/user/journal/2247651/morning-just-now/ Buzznet xalicejx 2008-04-24T10:21:00Z http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-thumb.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-synd.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-mob.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-gallery.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-large.gif http://www.buzznet.com/assets/icons/journal-feat.gif 0 0